This morning, I am reminded of a vision God gave me once. There was a preschool play going on. Little kids were shuffling around on stage, parents were watching from the audience, the show was pure and raw and full of child-like wonder. At one point, one kid was turned around trying to figure out where to go next. They were a bit unsure, but another tiny human gave them a nudge in the right direction and they got back on track. And the parent of that child was in the audience, recording on a video camera, smiling proudly, and saying, “That’s my kid!”
For me, the kid getting turned around on stage was myself. Sometimes life feels like an overwhelming whirlwind that keeps you spinning rather than gaining traction. But there are lovely people around me that help keep me on the right track. And even better, God’s in the audience going, “That’s MY kid!” Whether or not I know what I’m doing, He’s sees the bigger picture. He understands me. He treasures me. And He is proud of me.
Especially in a season of uncertainty, I find peace in the fact that God isn’t going anywhere. Four years ago, when I experienced panic and anxiety for the first time, God was there. Six months ago, when I was experience a harsh phase of processing grief for the first time, God was there. Today, while I’m wondering how long this time of self-distancing will go on and what my new normal will look like after this, God is still here and He isn’t going anywhere.
During this time, I’ve naturally been spending a lot of time with my thoughts and feelings. Because I’m a more logical, realistic thinker, I can easily push away feelings. However, I’m learning that now is the time that I need to sit down and have a chat with those feelings. Loneliness? Loss? Confusion? Frustration? They are all valid. This is a traumatic season to walk through - we are calling it out. It’s time to start asking questions: What am I feeling? What’s the root emotion? What triggered this? When have I felt like this before? And more importantly, Jesus, what do YOU want to teach me in/about this?
God is here. The challenge is inviting Him in. For some of us, it’s a pride issue. We want to be in control of our own lives. So, in a season where we are forced to face rest, we lose it a little. For others, it’s a patience issue. Not only do we want control, but we want it now…actually, like five minutes ago. Instead of filling your moments of boredom with anything and everything, perhaps it’s time to sit and listen.
There is something to learn.
See you on the flip side!
P.S. Check out the song below by Amanda Cook. I find it VERY fitting, considering the circumstances.